Daily Archives: 04/10/2007

Jackson Reverdy Orrell – Lesson about Chick Magnet

“Chick Magnet Lesson”
Jackson Reverdy Orrell
Lessons From Grandpop
by Reverdy Lewin Orrell, III
aka ‘The Depraved Brain’
(522 words)
April, 2007

Note: The webpage version of this article may be found here. The PDF version of this article may be found here.

“Grandpop, I’m getting thirsty. Can you grab my bib and get me a longneck from the refrigerator?”

“A what?”

“A longneck. Daddy bought a six-pack the other night. I’m thinking it’s time I tried it. He seems to like it.”

“Jackson, you aren’t old enough to drink beer. You’re only three months old. You’ll have to wait another eighteen years before you can have a beer.”

“What’s the problem, Grandpop? Kids drink that stuff all the time. Why can’t I?”

“Because your Mother and Father won’t let you. And because your Grandpop would crack your bottom if you’re caught drinking underage. We don’t care what other parents or grandparents allow. We say ‘No’ and that’s final.”

“OK, Grandpop, I don’t want Mommy mad at me. I’m her good little boy. Can you give me some milk instead? Remember to get my bib.”

“Here Jackson, drink a few ounces of your formula.”

“Grandpop, what does it say on my bib?”

“It says ‘Chick Magnet’.”

“What does that mean, Grandpop?”

“A chick magnet is a modern day slang term. It’s a newer version of ‘ladies’ man’. It is a term given to a man who attracts women the way a magnet attracts iron shavings.”

“But, I’m just a little boy! Will I be a chick magnet when I grow up?”

“The slang term is based on a person’s looks rather than the more important qualities of what they have in their head and in their heart. It’s based on physical assets, rather than more important qualities. You should want girls to be attracted to you for other qualities, for instance, how you treat people.”

“Grandpop, I’ve been watching Fox News and listening to conservative talk radio. I’ve heard things that make me think that Bill Clinton and Je$$e Jack$on are chick magnets. Is that right?”

“No Jackson, that’s a little different.”

“Why?”

“A chick magnet should only be an unmarried man. It’s accepted in society to be a chick magnet if you are unmarried. Once you are married you are supposed to be faithful to your wife and not look at another woman.”

“But, Grandpop, the shows talk about the zipper President and his various girlfriends. They also talk about the ‘Revrum’ being an ‘adult or her.'”

“Actually, Jackson, the word is ‘adulterer’. It means someone that has not been faithful to his wife.”
JacksonChickMagnet.jpg

“That’s right, Grandpop. They said Je$$e fathered a baby with a woman who wasn’t his wife. Isn’t that wrong, Grandpop? How can he still be an ordained minister having done that?”

“That’s a good question, Jackson. The marble mouth ‘Revrum’ was never properly ordained and never graduated from a religious institution. Besides, many people ‘loves’ the ‘Revrum’. To them, he can do no wrong.”

“So you’re saying I can’t be a chick magnet like the zipper President and ‘Revrum’ Jack$on?”

“That’s right, Jackson. You are expected to be faithful to your wife when you marry, unlike the zipper President and the Revrum.”

“Gee, if the Kennedy brothers had been taught this lesson at an early age, Marilyn Monroe and Mary Jo Kopechne would still be alive. Thanks, Grandpop.”